December 4 – Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year? (Author: Jeffrey Davis)
The word ‘wonder’ can be used in many different ways. I believe having and cultivating a sense of wonder is one of the most amazing things you can pursue, but wonder can also be somewhat stressful. I have been in a state of constant wonder since May 1 at 3:15 am. It was at that moment I woke up and found a gypsy standing in my bedroom, my laptop bag in hand, who proceeded to run out my front door within seconds of my waking up, screaming and throwing the only available weapon I could find, a near by water bottle.
My mind started racing and seven months later, it hasn’t really stopped since. My thoughts instantly began, ‘I wonder what to do next, I wonder if I will finish grad school now, I wonder if I could have been hurt, I wonder what else was stolen, I wonder who I call, I wonder what the number for Hungarian 911 is, I wonder how I am going to finish my dissertation, I wonder what’s going to happen next…’. I don’t really want to talk about the ramifications of the break in too much here, mainly because it’s something I’m not particularly comfortable with discussing, but needless to say it was a truly traumatic experience, which was not eased by the bureaucratic and linguistic nightmare that is encompassed by both the Hungarian police and the Hungarian university system.
This state of wondering has yet to stop in many ways. I wonder what’s going to happen when I move back to California, I wonder how my mom’s surgery is going to go, I wonder why Nancy’s dad had to get sick, I wonder how Nancy and her siblings are doing, I wonder why Sean killed himself, I wonder if I’ll get a job, I wonder where I’m going to move to, I wonder a million different things.
While I do embrace spontaneity and adventure in my life, I have found that living in a state of constant wonder and unknown can begin to take a toll. I’m hoping next year will bring some answers.